Dear PCT , It's Been A While
It’s been nearly three years since we first officially met. Before then we really only knew each other in passing. Never in a million years did I think I would have the chance to get to know you the way I did that summer, nor did I think I’d get to know me so well.
You really let me have it those first few days. You put blisters on my heels, pain in my foot, and gave me a healthy dose of reality that forced me to put into perspective the grandiose nature of what I was really doing out there. I was only a few days in and questioning every single moment, mile, and step, but you weren’t finished with me.
My last morning on the Pacific Crest Trail.
You had a funny way of kicking my ass while at the same time building me back up with singular moments of awe throughout the day. It was enough to keep going, to figure it out, and to give myself a chance.
Our last camp together was at Woody Pass where I spent the evening wondering how in the world I was going to digest all that had happened while listening to rocks crumble down from the surrounding cliffs. So many times I had wished it was over, but there I was, less than 24 hours from being done and I didn’t know how to feel about it.
The following day I had to find a way to say goodbye to you for the last time. My eyes still well up thinking of that last morning's walk together. I made sure to do all the things I could think of one last time; I played music, sipped coffee, filtered water, ate a donut, timed my miles perfectly, aired my feet out, and stopped from time to time to take it all in knowing all the while it would never make up for the miles I spent with my mind absent from the trail.
Finally at the terminus!
For what it’s worth, I’m so incredibly sorry for each and every moment I did not cherish what you gave me.
A lot has changed since we last spoke. I married an incredible woman who has given me the most incredible little girls. You’d be proud to know they love it outside! They love the cold, the wind, and the heat. All of it. They don’t care what the weather is, as long as they’re outside, they’re happy.
Time passes so quickly. I’ll often lay in bed at night with my eyes closed attempting to link together sections of your trail between campsites. What was once an easy thing to do has become increasingly harder and the more time that passes, the less I remember. I forget the details but never forget the feeling.
Thank you so much for everything you taught me that summer. Every mile we spent together is something I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.
I don’t know when or how, but we will hike together again and with any luck, you’ll meet my little girls and you’ll teach them all the things I never could. Just like every other hiker who makes their mark on your trail, you’ll take them under your wing as you did me and show them all that they are made of. Wouldn’t that be something?
Until then, I’ll continue to remember.
