I started By Land on the premise that I would be open and honest with my audience about who I am and how I feel about the topics I cover. I didn't want to be just another outdoor voice saying what people wanted to hear. From the beginning, it was important for me to be real, to speak the truth about whatever I'm writing about, whether it's gear, honest experiences, or real hunting stories. It's time I pony up and write about the inner turmoil I've felt over hunting for the past few years.

Questioning the Hunt: Is Hunting Still Necessary?

After I killed my last deer, I had a moment where I wondered if what I was doing out there in the backcountry was really necessary. This feeling began to grow until, despite my excitement for the upcoming hunting seasons, I couldn't help but ask myself if hunting was something I wanted to continue. I didn't need to hunt for my food, so why did I keep doing it? Why wake up at an unreasonable hour to track a buck only to take its life?

The pinnacle moment in hunting is the killing of an animal so that you can harvest the wildest, most organic meat available, but couldn't I just buy my meat at the store and forego taking the life of a beautiful animal? My heart was split between my love for hunting and my attempts to rationalize it.

Considering my background, I never imagined I would ever begin to question hunting. I grew up in a conservative household on a horse ranch, where I learned early on where meat comes from. I saw the county chaplain butcher pigs as if it were second nature, and that experience taught me the realities of life.

Hunting started to pique my interest in my teenage years, and I shot my first deer on my grandfather's land in Oklahoma around age 15. It was a memorable experience. After serving in the Marine Corps, I moved back to Washington State, eager to continue my love of hunting. I never questioned the ethics of hunting until that cold November morning when I killed my first solo buck.

My Emotional Struggle with Hunting

I've written about that hunt in a previous post, so I won't go into detail here, but it was an amazing experience, full of emotion. I remember sitting in the snow, the wind freezing my breath to my beard, watching the sun rise over the mountains. There I was, alone, sitting next to my harvest, enjoying every moment—but somewhere in that moment, I felt an odd sadness. It kept coming back, making me uncomfortable. Why was I feeling sad after a successful hunt? Was I growing soft? Hunters aren't supposed to feel bad about this. All the way down the mountain and throughout the rest of that year, I wrestled with this turmoil. If hunting made me sad, maybe my hunting days were over. But despite these doubts, I kept dreaming about future hunts, and I kept planning them.

Finding Clarity

It wasn't until the end of the 2015 hunting season that I found a new perspective, and it came from, of all places, Joe Rogan and Donnie Vincent. I came across a video of Cameron Hanes interviewing Joe Rogan after a deer hunt. Joe said something that stuck with me. He said that hunting for your own meat in the backcountry is probably the most ethical and healthy thing you can do. If you do it right, the animal suffers very little or not at all, and the meat you take home is the best you can get.

He pointed out that buying meat at the store doesn't remove you from the killing; in fact, it might be less ethical because you don't know how the animal was treated. Hunters, on the other hand, know their meat was wild, free-range, and organic its entire life. Hearing this helped me begin to reconcile my feelings.

If Joe was the opening act, Donnie Vincent was the closer. I listened to an interview with Donnie on The Journal of Mountain Hunting podcast, and everything he said resonated with me. He explained that it's not the killing that drives him, but the entire experience—the planning, preparation, adventure, the wildness, the stress, and the stories he can tell. It's about knowing where his meat comes from and the idea that one animal can create so many meaningful experiences.

Donnie admitted that he also feels a moment of sadness when he kills an animal, but that sadness is born out of respect. It turns out that even the most seasoned hunters feel the weight of taking a life. Knowing this made me realize I wasn't alone.

A Renewed Perspective on Hunting

Together, Joe and Donnie helped me understand something I hadn't been able to articulate: the sadness I felt wasn't me growing soft—it was a sign of personal growth and maturity. I was finally connecting with my hunts on a deeper level. Pulling the trigger now carried more weight, and the life taken was something I held in the highest regard. That's where the sadness came from, and it made sense.

The overall picture of what hunting means to me is much clearer now. Donnie is right: the experiences one animal can create in a person's life are remarkable. An animal's impact doesn't end when you take the shot; it continues through memories, stories, and shared experiences. I know the heaviness I feel after a hunt will never go away, but I've come to accept it as part of the journey. If anything, it deepens my connection to hunting. I wish everyone could experience the backcountry hunt just once.

For those of you who do hunt, I challenge you to reflect on why you do it. Define for yourself what it means before you pull that trigger or release that arrow again. Walk slower, listen harder, look deeper, and enjoy the little things that hunting offers, because it's so much more than one moment.

Hunt hard, obey the wind, and stay safe out there.

-Emory

P.S. You can find the videos and podcast referenced above at the following links:

• Joe Rogan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhrRb_Apfuw

• Donnie Vincent - Who We Are: http://donnievincent.com/who-we-are/

• Journal of Mountain Hunting w/ Donnie Vincent: http://journalofmountainhunting.com/2015/11/episode1/

Emory, By Land

Thanks for stopping by! If you have any questions for me or want to connect, you can leave a comment below or shoot me a personal message at emory@byland.co.

More Hunting-Related Content